hangang kelan..

still no text from him...

musta na kaya?

i miss him...like i can hear my phone ringing pero hindi naman.. i wanted to know how is he? about his work.. just a glimpse of what life he's leading will be a reward for me.. bakit ?i havent received any messages from him today..... the whole day. Siguro im just the one missin him pero i doubt he's feelin the same way to me.. He's havin a great day today while i sulk and worried why he hasnt text me..pls just for a moment try to remind your self about me..(. Im ok just worried.. but dont worry i'll be just fine..)

nasan na?

why is it that there are times when you needed your friend thats the time they arent available.. like i wanted now to confide something but none of my friends are available.. and those that are i think will give a bias advice are the ones available.. why? i felt like exploding... someone hurt me today.. or something awful came to my knowledge...someone who i consider like a mom... say something against me..and worst at my back.. i dunno why? but it clearly show how iam to her... i have been a good colleague to her.. gave her all the respect thou sometimes she doesn't deserved any..some small thing can lead to a lot.. ive spent miy 2 years working with her..and i really thought everything she shown me is a genuine care... some times you cant really tell if a person is true to you or just doin it for the sake of... Im hurting, thou i cant show people that iam... surely iam hurting...it felt that 2 years was wasted trying to make bond and showing care to people that'll later will stabbed you at your back.. it felt like i left something thinking maybe a year or so i can go back and still be accepted but right now..it seems its impossible... really impossible... i love that company still but with her in it.. i can surely forget about it..

i feel goooood..

i feel goood...tatatata! well, thats the only lyrics i know from that song... but i really feel good talaga as in.. because i have my own dooney bourke bag..yahoo...

pain..

i needed stronger walls to guard my heart... bakit ba? lahat ng masasamang word narinig ko na sayo.. pero eto di ko magawang magalit ng matagal... di ko magawang burahin lahat ng text messages mo.. bakit ba?ano bang pinakain mo sakin? ano bang meron sayO...

december 13th

year 1971.. i just wanted to write the date so that i wouldnt forget.. but i think he's doing nothing about how to remind himself about my birthday..anyway... sabi nga ng utak ko im too stupid when it comes to emotion.. hayaan mo na..one way love affair? it'll end soon naman so why not enjoy the pain and the misery diba... oo na masochist na!

minsan wala me kwenta..

what im writing is something na until now naiisip ko and i would tell my lolo sorry talaga... i was reviewing for my board exam(2004) when my lolo got sick.. he suffered from acute liver cirrhosis.. and during the 3rd month of my review, he got really sick na.. there's this time na he went to the comfort room and a minute later came out of it naked eh me and my cousins we're all sitting in the sala watching movie.. in short the disease took his senses and later his memory.. My titas and tito decided to take the medication as home based na lang cause the doctor couldnt tell if he got any chances if he go through that sensitive operation. So 2 weeks before the board exam, i was seated in the sala and above it was my sick lolo's room.. i was doin my routine that night..reviewing at 10 pm when all the rest of the household went to sleep para walang hassle diba? so during my review i would here my lolo coughing so hard and making big noise... for 15 minutes i let him be.. then when i couldnt concentrate no more.. i went upstairs and check on him when i saw he was ok..meaning still breathing and awake.. i told him this..."lolo naman ang ingay mo... di me makareview" then my lolo smiled.. i went down and continue..while his room was quite after that...The next day at around 8am in the morning we found his body lying near the door going to the stair... he was dead... I was the only one who took courage to see if he was indeed dead i took pulse rate and there was none and then we called the ambulance and he was declared DOA.. They say that my lolo might be struggling to come down stairs to call help pero di na talaga nya nakaya.. thou the incident was inevitable i still feel that i could have saved him that night.. kasi baka that night he was coughing, he might be having a hard time breathing na... i was thinkin he didnt make noise to draw attention kasi nga i told him na i was having hard time reviewing... alam mo un..i somehow blamed my self for his death. The guy who made our little play ground(seesaw, tunnel) when we're kids..the guy who fixed my bike and those pool table for me and my cousins.. is now gone..Im so sorry po and i miss you po dearly..i really am..thats why im paying it by looking after lola...