minsan wala me kwenta..

what im writing is something na until now naiisip ko and i would tell my lolo sorry talaga... i was reviewing for my board exam(2004) when my lolo got sick.. he suffered from acute liver cirrhosis.. and during the 3rd month of my review, he got really sick na.. there's this time na he went to the comfort room and a minute later came out of it naked eh me and my cousins we're all sitting in the sala watching movie.. in short the disease took his senses and later his memory.. My titas and tito decided to take the medication as home based na lang cause the doctor couldnt tell if he got any chances if he go through that sensitive operation. So 2 weeks before the board exam, i was seated in the sala and above it was my sick lolo's room.. i was doin my routine that night..reviewing at 10 pm when all the rest of the household went to sleep para walang hassle diba? so during my review i would here my lolo coughing so hard and making big noise... for 15 minutes i let him be.. then when i couldnt concentrate no more.. i went upstairs and check on him when i saw he was ok..meaning still breathing and awake.. i told him this..."lolo naman ang ingay mo... di me makareview" then my lolo smiled.. i went down and continue..while his room was quite after that...The next day at around 8am in the morning we found his body lying near the door going to the stair... he was dead... I was the only one who took courage to see if he was indeed dead i took pulse rate and there was none and then we called the ambulance and he was declared DOA.. They say that my lolo might be struggling to come down stairs to call help pero di na talaga nya nakaya.. thou the incident was inevitable i still feel that i could have saved him that night.. kasi baka that night he was coughing, he might be having a hard time breathing na... i was thinkin he didnt make noise to draw attention kasi nga i told him na i was having hard time reviewing... alam mo un..i somehow blamed my self for his death. The guy who made our little play ground(seesaw, tunnel) when we're kids..the guy who fixed my bike and those pool table for me and my cousins.. is now gone..Im so sorry po and i miss you po dearly..i really am..thats why im paying it by looking after lola...