kagaBI..

i had another torture to my heart last night.. hay ewan ko ba why i always let him affects me.. last night is just another tormenting night..nagsusap kami..i dont know but when im in a conversation with him its like i can tell him anything..we talk about anything you can think of..anything under the sun whether about politics(Uy..), social happening, etc..and last night we talked about astrology and what our birthdays meant..Its just that i dont want to get my hopes high or to give atleast meaning or even think of any possibilities of "US" pero bat ganun?... i cant help but sometimes think of hundreds of what if 's..Siguro with him i see the maturity im looking for in a guy...we have 11 years lang naman na age gap.. i dont know what is it with 30 something men that attracts me..my friends told me im a weird type..parang naka-wired daw ung utak ko..sabi ko kasi made in taiwan lang ung spare parts ng utak ko and not from japan.. funny but then siguro nga there's something wrong with me..When i was in college i had an MU with a 30 years old medical intern i was 19 then... but that didnt work i found out kasi that he's a family man na with 2 kids.. nagoyo talaga me nun.. when i told him i knew about the truth he asked me to atleast talk personally..i ended the realtionship thru text messages...and never did i contacted him again..that was the last time i heard from him. I threw my sim card and buy a new one at that time..pero now its happening ulit... but i knew now thats he's single and the stupid fact that he is dating someone... and everytime i'd always ask how is *** , the girl. Di ko alam pero siguro thats my only way for my brain to recognised what was real from reel.. kasi in a way im reminding my self na "opps..slow down he got someone already.." oR just maybe im having alot fun hurting my self..masochist?... i knew that she got sick i even told him to do something about it.. i pushed him to visit the girl... what the f*ck!! tanga ko noh....it just show how i am more into what makes him happy and certainly having me in his life isnt one of those thing...ok i'll stop and get a kleeeeeenex..