hangang kelan..

still no text from him...

musta na kaya?

i miss him...like i can hear my phone ringing pero hindi naman.. i wanted to know how is he? about his work.. just a glimpse of what life he's leading will be a reward for me.. bakit ?i havent received any messages from him today..... the whole day. Siguro im just the one missin him pero i doubt he's feelin the same way to me.. He's havin a great day today while i sulk and worried why he hasnt text me..pls just for a moment try to remind your self about me..(. Im ok just worried.. but dont worry i'll be just fine..)

nasan na?

why is it that there are times when you needed your friend thats the time they arent available.. like i wanted now to confide something but none of my friends are available.. and those that are i think will give a bias advice are the ones available.. why? i felt like exploding... someone hurt me today.. or something awful came to my knowledge...someone who i consider like a mom... say something against me..and worst at my back.. i dunno why? but it clearly show how iam to her... i have been a good colleague to her.. gave her all the respect thou sometimes she doesn't deserved any..some small thing can lead to a lot.. ive spent miy 2 years working with her..and i really thought everything she shown me is a genuine care... some times you cant really tell if a person is true to you or just doin it for the sake of... Im hurting, thou i cant show people that iam... surely iam hurting...it felt that 2 years was wasted trying to make bond and showing care to people that'll later will stabbed you at your back.. it felt like i left something thinking maybe a year or so i can go back and still be accepted but right now..it seems its impossible... really impossible... i love that company still but with her in it.. i can surely forget about it..

i feel goooood..

i feel goood...tatatata! well, thats the only lyrics i know from that song... but i really feel good talaga as in.. because i have my own dooney bourke bag..yahoo...

pain..

i needed stronger walls to guard my heart... bakit ba? lahat ng masasamang word narinig ko na sayo.. pero eto di ko magawang magalit ng matagal... di ko magawang burahin lahat ng text messages mo.. bakit ba?ano bang pinakain mo sakin? ano bang meron sayO...

december 13th

year 1971.. i just wanted to write the date so that i wouldnt forget.. but i think he's doing nothing about how to remind himself about my birthday..anyway... sabi nga ng utak ko im too stupid when it comes to emotion.. hayaan mo na..one way love affair? it'll end soon naman so why not enjoy the pain and the misery diba... oo na masochist na!

minsan wala me kwenta..

what im writing is something na until now naiisip ko and i would tell my lolo sorry talaga... i was reviewing for my board exam(2004) when my lolo got sick.. he suffered from acute liver cirrhosis.. and during the 3rd month of my review, he got really sick na.. there's this time na he went to the comfort room and a minute later came out of it naked eh me and my cousins we're all sitting in the sala watching movie.. in short the disease took his senses and later his memory.. My titas and tito decided to take the medication as home based na lang cause the doctor couldnt tell if he got any chances if he go through that sensitive operation. So 2 weeks before the board exam, i was seated in the sala and above it was my sick lolo's room.. i was doin my routine that night..reviewing at 10 pm when all the rest of the household went to sleep para walang hassle diba? so during my review i would here my lolo coughing so hard and making big noise... for 15 minutes i let him be.. then when i couldnt concentrate no more.. i went upstairs and check on him when i saw he was ok..meaning still breathing and awake.. i told him this..."lolo naman ang ingay mo... di me makareview" then my lolo smiled.. i went down and continue..while his room was quite after that...The next day at around 8am in the morning we found his body lying near the door going to the stair... he was dead... I was the only one who took courage to see if he was indeed dead i took pulse rate and there was none and then we called the ambulance and he was declared DOA.. They say that my lolo might be struggling to come down stairs to call help pero di na talaga nya nakaya.. thou the incident was inevitable i still feel that i could have saved him that night.. kasi baka that night he was coughing, he might be having a hard time breathing na... i was thinkin he didnt make noise to draw attention kasi nga i told him na i was having hard time reviewing... alam mo un..i somehow blamed my self for his death. The guy who made our little play ground(seesaw, tunnel) when we're kids..the guy who fixed my bike and those pool table for me and my cousins.. is now gone..Im so sorry po and i miss you po dearly..i really am..thats why im paying it by looking after lola...

buhay ko ..starting this june...

im leaving ..atleast thats what they say to me(my agency).. ewan ko ba bakit suddenly i decided to go abroad.. maybe because that daY I felt like im goin nowhere when it comes to my professional life. career wise i have to eventually do it so why not do it now... na im still young, single and eager.. di ba? but the sad part is im going to a country where i have to completely change my lifestyles... saudi... yes going into the desert and meet all the camels and arabs.. Land, kung saan they say that we female arent made to go.. kasi nga they say its a barbaric land with barbaric beliefs.. well i dont care noh..as long as i can have the changes i want in my life.. im willing to risk it all just so i can have the gratification of earning dollars.. My father couldnt agree more kasi he didnt really want me to go kasi nga daw delikado...but im a stubborn and hardheaded kid.. May friends naman they...ewan ko ba may days na against sila , may days naman ok lang. Dysfunctional people kasi ang mga friends ko eh.. that include me. There are times that i have to justifY my decision to them.why i have to go and work there.. they say hindi ko daw kakayanin.. well sabi ko naman surely meron din naman dun starbucks, and mall..but the sad part is i was told that i can never_ AS IN NEVER go alone sa street dun or i'll be dead the minute i stepped out alone.. kasi nga they say people specially men in that place are testosterone driven machine...in short mga hayOk!! i might get rape daw or worst killed and much worst my body may be found within days composing in the middle of desert...SCaRY... mga bwiset tong kaibigan ko! they repeatedly said that to me..pero despite all this scary stuff... i decided to go.. ano ba naman ung 2 years without bar, alcohol(margarita, boomerang and screwdriver diba?), wee hours stay at starbucks, driving at 3am sa slex with friends, ung walang planong gala punta sa kung saan, ung gising ng 11 am, ung kain ng isaw and bbq sa kanto...hay sana kayanin ko...:)

ako

im not sure why i felt like crying ...am i PMSing ba? i dont really know i just felt like crying... naiinis me sa sarili ko for being this way...

bakit ba?

so as i was doing grocery with friends this afternoon... i received a text message from him... had lunch? shit bakit ba.. i was thinking not to reply but i was weakened kasi naman text nya un eh.. so i said not yet... and then he replied (out of no where) miss me? what u doin? ...super gusto ko nang putulin ang thumb ko just not to type any messages but i cant so i ended up tellin him everything as in parang girlfriend informing her boyfriend..parang ganun..i told him i was invited by my friend to their department party tonight.. and the stabbing pain was back when he told me " dont drink too much.K?" shit ano ba is this a real care?, does he really genuinely care about me...
the thing is i decided not to go to that party, i went home after the grocery and the bbq hunt...and didnt tell him about that.. let him think i was having fun... that i'am still existing whether he's present or not in my life... let him think wa -affect sakin....just for today i wanted to let him feel the pain of waiting for a reply...

hay..

so im home early kasi instead of us watching a movie sila loperamide and paracetamol are all busy preparing for a party to all hospital surgeons/surgery department where they're assigned.. hay ayun tagged along na naman me.. and the funny thing is i had fun tagging along with them kasi naman i rather go out than stay at home noH...at and dalawang hitad nang isa na naman... the two where assigned to buy pork and chicken sa wet market tapos iBBQ nila un..the two witch decided to buy ready made BBQ..hahahaahhaa...after shopping for more than 250 BBq pieces assorted na pork and chicken...saka i was told i have to fake a reciept.. shit! kasali na naman me...

sex and the city Night...

ayt! finally what all (us gurls) waiting for the full length movie, the 4 lovable character are back... yehey! pantoprazole ask us whether we're up watching this movie tonight...Hell ya! i wont miss it for a thing... see yah at the movie...

mga pangyayari..

this one happened 2, 3 most ago..i couldnt remember na eh..basta this funny...hilarious event happened talaga..i just have to change the names of the people (my friends) cuz i believed they'll kill me for tellin this..hahahahah

So a few months back i received a text message and a call from pantoprazole(my friend) asking me for a coffe break... coffee break- its our little routine as friends to meet up and chat until wee hours at starbucks station talking endlessly.. (chikka minute).. so i said ok..they picked me up and went to the nearest starbucks station (petron or shell) nakalimutan ko na... anyway, our agenda that night, pantoprazole and urolith (her husband) got into fight that ended up , urolith hitting pantoprazole in her face(smack!) well as her friend..we all gave our side like haenna sobrang unahan, sigawan,more like in the wild kinda stuff.. kulang na lang talupan namin ng buhay si urolith( he's lucky he wasnt there) hehehe.. we gave her ideas how to get even then later settled to just kick the bastard out of their house.. But my friend- knowing her... pantoprazole has a contagious... way where she can rationalized all actions and came up with all those stupid reason of why.. and always she'll tell us ..."bahala na si papa jesus"... lines ...the never ending stupidy..(LOL) so to end that night was a relief kasi we didnt here any of those lines thou she rationalized every now and then pero she didnt get the chance to defend her side kasi nga naman 3 versus to one ang laban.. so we said our goodbyes and hoped for the better.. ANd a day after that we (me, loperamide, paracetamol) received a call from pantoprazole she was asking for another coffee breaks.. so we did..

Me: so ano na?

loperamide: musta na kayo..

Pantoprazole: ok naman.nagusap na kami..

Me, loperamide, paracetamol: talaga ano na?

Pantoprazole: alam nya na galit me... tapos kaninang umaga pinagtimpla ko sya ng coffee na wlang sugar...

Loperamide: putcha tol...

Paracetamol: eh isat kalahati ka plng eng eng eh...

Me: pantprazole ano ka ba?

Paracetamol: oh nagsorry na ba cia?

Me: oo nga di ba sabi mo nagusap na kayo....

-silence-

Pantoprazole: ayun sabi nya na kasalanan ko din daw...

Loperamide, me and paracetamol: at bakeeeeeetttttttttt?

Pantoprazole: kasi hindi nman daw talaga nya me tatamaan kaso humarap daw ako...

Loperamide, me and paracetamol: LOL

we're all dumbfounded and at the same time laughing our heart out because of the stupidy of the situation..and my friend...After she said that she received a beating from all three of us.... verbal mostly and some hair pulling here and there.. but she came out the car alive..hahahahaha.. Stupid thing we learned is that no matter how many beating you get the hearts accepts...hahahaha and cguro that "papa jesus" doesnt always give you the clear view of everything ...you have to wished hard for it..

kagaBI..

i had another torture to my heart last night.. hay ewan ko ba why i always let him affects me.. last night is just another tormenting night..nagsusap kami..i dont know but when im in a conversation with him its like i can tell him anything..we talk about anything you can think of..anything under the sun whether about politics(Uy..), social happening, etc..and last night we talked about astrology and what our birthdays meant..Its just that i dont want to get my hopes high or to give atleast meaning or even think of any possibilities of "US" pero bat ganun?... i cant help but sometimes think of hundreds of what if 's..Siguro with him i see the maturity im looking for in a guy...we have 11 years lang naman na age gap.. i dont know what is it with 30 something men that attracts me..my friends told me im a weird type..parang naka-wired daw ung utak ko..sabi ko kasi made in taiwan lang ung spare parts ng utak ko and not from japan.. funny but then siguro nga there's something wrong with me..When i was in college i had an MU with a 30 years old medical intern i was 19 then... but that didnt work i found out kasi that he's a family man na with 2 kids.. nagoyo talaga me nun.. when i told him i knew about the truth he asked me to atleast talk personally..i ended the realtionship thru text messages...and never did i contacted him again..that was the last time i heard from him. I threw my sim card and buy a new one at that time..pero now its happening ulit... but i knew now thats he's single and the stupid fact that he is dating someone... and everytime i'd always ask how is *** , the girl. Di ko alam pero siguro thats my only way for my brain to recognised what was real from reel.. kasi in a way im reminding my self na "opps..slow down he got someone already.." oR just maybe im having alot fun hurting my self..masochist?... i knew that she got sick i even told him to do something about it.. i pushed him to visit the girl... what the f*ck!! tanga ko noh....it just show how i am more into what makes him happy and certainly having me in his life isnt one of those thing...ok i'll stop and get a kleeeeeenex..

walk..

hay walang katapusang pagiikot sa manila.. why is it that everytime i went travelling too manila lagi na lang parang it was 2 or more hours to think sa laguna lang naman me galing... super polluted na talaga ang maynila but then theres alot of lets say improvement when it comes to security cause you'll see alot of uniformed men around the metropolis and the ever charming manongs who are willingly give you the direction everytime na feeling mo naliligaw ka..anyway my travel today in the city was a little easy to my feet.. heheeheh kasi i went for a taxi ride rather than the dyip... thou i dont have anything against our pre-war public utility vehicle its just that riding one can get you the whole ambiance outside(?) di higop mo lahat ng alikabok sa kalsada at ,minsan pagminamalas ka maiipit ka sa siksikang upuan sa loob na dinaig pa ang sardinas..kasi naman alot of our dyipney driver will force to get atleast 20 passenger kahit na ang capacity lang na pwedeng umupo eh 16 imagine ... mainit na nga siksikan pa....so i opt to ride the taxi mas convenient kasi they can take you sa pupuntahan mo without getting the combustible materials inside your nostrils...aircon pa... so from leveriz to buendia (PACITA liner) i only paid about 46.00 then vice versa... from buendia to legaspi, makati around 60.00 pesos lang kaya lang ung taxi that i took from buendia to legazpi..di pa nga me nakakasabi where to go the driver ask me if i can add 10 pesos to my fare.. which i said i will and i did kakaawa naman kasi si manong eh... grabe noh.. and siguro i was thinkin if i dont give him what he ask for he can easily kick me out of his taxi...eh hirap pa naman humarang ng taxi noh... but then it was all good 10 pesos is a small amount lang naman... going home naman i took another taxi ride 60.oo thou a bit expensive if you do it like in a regular basis..good thing i wasnt working in manila if so all my earnings are for transpo allowance only...

kakaiba...

i was looking at some of my highschool's friends friendster account.. grabe ang dami ng nagbago.. ung dating demure all out na... dating mabait may tinge of kabalastugan na.. Things happened without us knowing that along the way we change..and whether for bad or good it might be..it somehow shape us who we are right now.. I really wish to see them, some of them but i cant i felt that what iam today is less of what i'd expect from me..I saw someone from my highschool and he looks really cute (if i may say it) he does...years and maturity cguro. I didnt noticed him years ago pero now he's cute(repeat) and from what i heard he is definitely single and just looking? tsk tsk..so not all good men are taken or gay huh.... another fact.. but men who stay single are those who search for the perfect girl diba...

mga what if..

back in college i met this guy named KING.. he become my friend as in super close. I was at that time with someone from my highschool, i had an on and off relationship with him.. And with king i found that someone who i can pour all my hearts with..my troubles and disappointment inlife.. Until i found out im falling for him.. but at that time i was afraid to act what I'm feeling for him instead i put space between us.. a typical action from someone fearing to fall more..but it never ended the friendship we had until one night he confessed about his feelings with me..I was dumbfounded, i didn't go with it.. i was afraid that being with him would ruin our friendship.. so we stayed as friends ..but during our junior year in college he begun to change, he had his first girlfriend.. and then he forgot all about me.. I was left sulking and hurting which lasted until my last year in college.. funny thing is during our graduation party i took all my guts and asked him if a can give him a kiss... he said that we cant cause he's with his girlfriend that night..but he gave me a long hug.. At that time i gave up completely on us( on any possibility of future with him).. i moved on..After that night and after the summer i remember telling him i planned to take another course (but still inmedical field) but i didnt pursue it..then i found out that he took the same course im planning to take...is it by chance?that was the last thing i heard about him..

Well me ive met alot but still pagnaaalala ko cia all i can do is ask my self what if?...

ndi kami pero...

ang gulo... hindi kami pero i'll received a text messages every now and then, he'll be sweet and thoughtful out of no where..like asking me "did u had lunch?" ,"any plan for tonight?", how are you?" and the nakakamatay na line..."miss you". Hindi kami ha, pero merong ganon effect. kakainis but when im getting personal he'll tell me about his date with this girl.. shiT! ano ba talaga? If i dont reply on his text he'll call.. what the hell wrong with him? .. I hate the fact that im tangled with this stupid set-up? if you call that as set-up? kami ba? i dont know eh.. baka its my fault, maybe i was just being too sensitive when it comes to him, baka i was just the one giving meaning to everything he does and said.. baka wala naman talaga.. siguro normal lang yun sa kanya to tell a girl that he misses her..

eto ang sentimento ko in life....

a copy from my other blog:

All your life, you had specific dreams about what your family life would be like when you finally married.You were so intent on what you wanted, you even made a list of qualities and characteristics you were looking for in a spouse, in a home, in your job, in your children.But time passed, and that person you were so Intent on didn't come along.All of your friends married, had children, had beautiful homes. And still you were single. (sigh)You prayed and prayed and prayed for that person to come along, but nothing happened.You had a good job. You served in your church. You spent daily time with the Lord in prayer and studying the Word. You dedicated your life to serving God in every way possible, but still nothing.So you decided to take matters into your own hands, and you began an active search for a mate. And within a short period, you met someone who almost fit the bill. (majal, labs, luv, hon, bes, panget, beh, yam?)Almost.... (pffft...)Sure, there were a few things Missing, a few rusty spots in that person's character. But, after all, no one is perfect.Maybe your goals were too high. Maybe you'd been asking for the impossible. Maybe this was the person God wanted for you so your character could grow through dealing with his or her failings.Even though it often seems that God is slow to answer prayers, no matter whether it's about a mate, or a job, or our children, or our finances, or anything else, we have to remember that God doesn't wear a watch. Nor does he look at our human calendars. He sees with eternal eyes.He operates on an eternal timetable, according to His plan and His schedule.If God seems to be running late, don't get impatient and run ahead of him. Wait for the Lord's timing in everything.To the single folks out there, this is for you.Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be. Single gives you space to grow. Sometimes, it is harder to grow when you are too close to someone. Trees are planted far apart so they can spread their branches and become strong as they mature.Single means learning to live by yourself. However, that is no more difficult than learning to live with somebody else.Single means freedom. You are free to spend a week's vacation on the beach, to take computer courses, to work late on an interesting project, to spend the day in bed with a good book or simply with a person who has read one.Single means learning not to need a man/woman to make your life meaningful but learning to live with a man/woman because you want to be with him/her.Single means that sometimes you will wonder why you will bite your lip and feel wistful and wonder if marriage is better.Ironically, yet quite happily, single is feeling good about being in control of your life. It is liking and respecting who you are and why you are.Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better, it is merely different.Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it.Being single means you are free to love again.YESTERDAY was to learn and TOMORROW will be the consequence of what I will do TODAY...

naKakaLerkY...

hahahaa..yes nakakloka talaga... they say everyday god give us hope to lived our days full and miracle to make his presence known... well, i did had both kahapon..I was as always thinking impulsively that day so naiisip ng sira kong ulo to go to the mall and buy na ung maletang gagamitin ko for my trip abroad.. so i did.. I went to rustan's and bought this bulky black medium size maleta.. and paid for it in cash.. syempre ang lolah knowing my pera i decided to walk some more and mag window shop kasi may sale that day.. so thats what i did.. until ng pauwi na ako at sasakay na ng FX that i realized i have lost my wallet where my money was 1500 kaya ung andun pa! and what was left with me eh ung dugyuting kong coin purse and to make matters worst exact lang ung laman nung purse.. exacTo para sa pamashe for only one person 35.00!!!! lang..sheet..so ako nagpretend na lang na calm.. when its my turn to hopPD on the Fx.. si manong nagtanong..."mam, 2 po ba babayad nyo?" hahahaha thats the time na super nagpanic na me.... oo nga naman dala ko nga pala ung new-bulky-black-medium-size-maleta ko shit! eh pano yan pang isang tao lang ung natira sakin.... sabi ko kay manong... "isa lang po" with matching battling of my lashes pa ha... baka kasi maawa cia.. and bwiset hindi naawa but instead told me that i should pay for 2 cuz i'll be occupying 2 seat daw one for me and one for my new-bulky-black-mediumsize-maleta... hay si manong masiba!!! so just to make the discussion short i told him well ok i'll wait na lang for another fx.... so what i did is went around the mall trying to find an atm machine... pulling my maleta..hahahaha imagine! i did found the only atm machine existing dun sa mall .. and i almost cry when i saw the line...grabe parang pagpumila me it'll take like 3 hours... and looking at my watch its 8pm na!!! so with 35 pesos in hand... i walked for 15 minutes to get to the mass produced DYIPS... hahahaha..yes i went to ride a dyip...with my maleta...hahahaha... miracle given.... then another one...along my way home riding a DYIP...umulan and i wasnt really thinkin about me getting wet more of my new maleta...hahahah....to end this i got home safe, with minimal damage to my new-bulky-black-medium size maleta...miracle yes...kasi during the whole ordeal my phone was off na lowbatt... kasi if its not i can easily call home and told my dad about the fateful stuff...and ask them to pick me up.. and miracle cuz i still have the coins and to imagine an exact amount was left...life paranG komiks...

eto na...

ooopss. didnt i say this site's title :this one in tagalog? yes but please before i starts to write stuff in tagalog let me just start writing in my own way..the one i thought easier.. hahahaa...its not that im addicted to blogging i just have to start something again but this time im planning to write all the stuff to be posted here in tagalog...