I thought i was healed, that i'm stronger now-that the first month's hell was over. Its my tenth month now here in sand world and today was different from the pass months or days , today i felt terrible sadness the one where i felt i'm completely alone. Today i'm back to my old self..back to beinG assertive of everything i have now.. whether im doing better than before... today i never heard myself utter the "best" word. I felt lonely...and its scares me so much that i felt so numb.. i can only lay in bed and re-assest and re-asserN everything i have.. i once told my self that i'm going to change my perspective in life. But today in a spun of minutes i'm back to the old me. I gave way to old feelings, to old hurts and pains. They say that no man can never run away to old shadows, its somehow connected to us whether we want it or not.we can never escape the past, the wound we thought was healed and those pains we thought we're over with, they kept coming back. Its really hard to start over, pretending i'm stronger and ready was just a joke i wanted to play to myself. I never missed my life back for like months now.. i thought i was happy now with what small world i have and small light of hope i can pick from the day to day struggle. I was never happy- just that i dont have a choice but to feel somehow good about mylife , that im far better that the rest, thankfull that i was luckier compare to others, and that others are more screwed up than me. I was thankful but not completely happy. Im drifting to empty shore..wondering what the hell im doing right here? and what the hell to do next. Today, my mind's voluntarily making track all the troubles i had. all the painful mem'ries i tried to hide from my self and it's skipping all those mem'ries that gave way to all the changes i had in life. save me.
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